Category Archives: Parenting

Birthdays Past

birthdaysRecently I went through a stack of family pictures I got from my Dad and found all these photos of my birthday celebrations when I was a little girl.  birthdaysMy Mom was the one who made these occasions memorable, birthdays complete with a cake she had baked, gifts, friends, decorations, party games, a new dress she’d made me and birthday meals.  birthdays I realize how blessed I was to have a mother who went to so much work to make me feel special and loved.  It is just one more thing that makes me miss her.  Thanks Mom. birthdays

birthdays

birthdays

birthdays

Other posts about birthdays……..

Happy Birthday Dave

My Dad’s Birthday

Sharing His Birthday With Someone Special

 

 

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I Need To See A Happy Movie

I saw two movies in the last two days and they both made me incredibly sad. 

Calvary is about a priest who knows someone is going to kill him in a week. The priest is a good man but he has been selected to ‘pay the price’ for all those priests who have used their position for evil.  There are lots of characters in this movie with sad, lonely,messed up lives living cynically or hopelessly. The priest does his best to be patient and listen to them.

At one point the priest is praying with a woman who has just lost her husband in a senseless accident involving drunk teenage drivers. The priest remarks that it must be hard for her to accept how unfair life is in the face of her tragedy.  The woman says what happened to her husband isn’t unfair, it was just something that happened. She says that what is really unfair is people who die who aren’t loved, who die without meaningful relationships. She and her husband loved each other so that didn’t happen to him. 

It made me incredibly sad to think about how many isolated, lonely people there are like that in the world. 

Boyhood is a film that was shot over a period of twelve years by the same cast.  You see a boy become a man in a little under three hours.  Viewers get a window on all those small seemingly mundane but meaningful moments in a family’s day-to-day existence, that quickly pile one on top of each other moving life along in a quick blur. I started crying when the mother in the movie is sending her youngest child off to college and can’t believe she has really arrived at this moment.  Where has time gone? Where has her life gone? And really is this all there is to life?  She has invested so much in her children and now they don’t seem to need her anymore. I think probably every mother has had a sad moment like this. The movie reminded me of how quickly our lives move along and end.

Both Calvary and Boyhood are very good movies. They make you think. They trouble you. They make you take stock of your own life. They make you cry. I’m glad I saw them. But the next movie I see definitely needs to be funny, light-hearted and very upbeat!

Other posts about movies………

Higher Ground

Noah A Violent Movie

The Hundred Foot Journey

Jane Austin Overload

 

 

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Filed under Movies, Parenting, Religion

Letter From the Mother Of A Gay Son

My cousin’s wife Laurie Wiens recently wrote a thoughtful, moving and articulate letter to the editor of the national magazine of the Mennonite Church in Canada. 

Here is one paragraph. 

Our oldest son recently was baptized after doing some intense soul-searching about his faith and his commitment to the church. I am proud of him for taking this step and so happy that he is part of the Christian community and part of a loving and supportive church community. My son is also in a serious relationship with someone who loves him. It is a pleasure to see them together and see how close they have become. They are both at a great stage in life—still studying and figuring out what their career paths will be, both committed to the church, both with their whole lives ahead of them and countless opportunities. My son is also gay.

I encourage you to take the time to read the full letter at the link below.

http://www.canadianmennonite.org/articles/letter-mother-gay-son

Other  posts about Mennonites……..

Some Mennonites But Not All of Them

The Constructed Mennonite

The Disappeared

 

 

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Thankfully Times Have Changed-My Story

I read recently that the first woman was only allowed to run in the Boston Marathon in 1972. That was in my lifetime I thought! Sometimes we forget how recently it was that women were definitely second class citizens and how thankful we should be that times have changed. I have my own ‘thankfully times have changed’ story.february baby 1979

My oldest son was born in 1979.  My due date was early February. I was legally entitled to sixteen weeks of paid maternity leave from my job as a grade one teacher. I had to go back to work at the beginning of June.

I requested my leave be extended till the end of June, just four extra weeks. I would take an added month of unpaid leave and return to the classroom in September. school class 1974-75I argued it was not in my students’ best interest to change teachers two times during the year. It would be hard for me to do accurate end of year assessments for students I hadn’t taught in four months. The school division refused my request.

They said extending my leave would set a dangerous precedent. I’ll never forget my meeting with the two superintendents. In a very kind but patronizing tone they assured me once I saw that cute little baby of mine, I would never want to go back to work. They told me the only way I’d get an extra month of maternity leave was to resign. The superintendents assured me if I resigned, in the unlikely event I still wanted to go back to work after the baby was born, they would give me a job. To their credit they did. But I was forced to resign. I had to forfeit my insurance coverage and the nearly one hundred sick days I had accrued. I lost five months of contributions to my pension fund and I was given no written legal guarantee of a future job.

mlclass 1980'sReturning to work the following year I asked to serve on the team negotiating salary and benefits with the school board. I wanted my school division to offer teachers up to year of maternity leave and retention of benefits during that time. Many other school divisions in our province had already instituted that kind of leave policy. The first year when our negotiations with the board got down to the wire, the teachers’ negotiating team, which was completely male except for me, voted for a higher salary rather than extended maternity benefits. The second year our request that teachers having babies could choose to take up to a twelve- month maternity leave was granted, and became a part of our contract package. I was very happy!

baby on school visit 1985Six years later in 1985 when I had my second son, I was able to take leave for an entire year to be home with him. I didn’t lose my pension, sick days or insurance benefits either. Times had changed!

Other posts about women and change……..

Lean In

Five Famous Women

What Does Your Mother Do?

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Lean In

“A truly equal world would be one where women ran half our countries and companies and men ran half our homes. I believe that this would be a better world.”

lean inSheryl Sandberg makes that statement in her book Lean In. I finished reading it a while ago and since then I’ve repeated the statement above to many people. A number have asked if I really agree with Sandberg. I do agree wholeheartedly that more female leaders in every sphere of society would make our world a better place and that more men participating fully in child care and home care would make families healthier and happier and thus society happier and healthier too.  It is interesting however how many women I’ve talked to that don’t agree. They actually believe women aren’t as capable of good leadership as men and that men aren’t as good at caring for children as women. I don’t believe it for a second!

babyOne woman I talked with said men just couldn’t do as good a job of raising children because they don’t have the nurturing nature of women. Children need a mother as their primary caregiver. Sandberg says……..

“Studies from around the world have concluded that children benefit greatly from paternal involvement. Research over the last forty years has consistently found that in comparison to children with less-involved fathers, children with involved and loving fathers have higher levels of psychological well-being and better cognitive abilities.When fathers provide even just routine child care, children have higher levels of educational and economic achievement and lower delinquency rates.Their children even tend to be more empathetic and socially competent.These findings hold true for children from all socioeconomic backgrounds, whether or not the mother is highly involved. “

Several women I talked with weren’t sure that women make the best leaders. They figured women leaders let their power go to their heads. Jenna Goudreau a writer for Forbes magazine talks about the way women leaders are often stereotyped as being icy, tough, conniving and angry.  I have always thought it interesting that the qualities people admire in male leaders- grit, strength, the ability to think strategically and be passionately resolute are twisted into negatives when used to describe female leaders. 

Frieda Klotz also writing for Forbes says women bring skills of communication, empathy and a unique perspective to leadership. Women make up half the population so it would make sense they should be represented in at least 50% of leadership positions in every sphere of society so their perspective and gifts could help to bring about necessary change in the world. Sheryl Sandberg says…..

“The laws of economics and many studies of diversity tell us that if we tapped the entire pool of human resources and talent, our collective performance would improve.”

Sheryl Sandberg’s book Lean In raises many important ideas, not new ideas, but important ones.  It has inspired me to become more outspoken about the need for women to lean into being leaders in their careers and share the load with partners in their homes, something I was passionate about and wrote and spoke about a great deal nearly four decades ago. Sadly it is something that still needs to be part of the conversation in our world. 

Other posts about women making a difference……

Three Remarkable Jamaican Women

This Woman Should Be A Jamaican Saint

Half the Sky

The Beatitudes Come To Life 

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Technology and Family Time- Observations

I spent at week at a resort in Cancun and observed how electronic devices influence family time. 

I get up early one morning to go to the fitness room. A young mother is taking her baby for a walk. Her tiny girl is cuddled up on her mother’s chest. The infant is looking up at her mother’s face and making all kinds of noises. She sounds like she’s trying to have a real conversation. The mother isn’t even looking at her baby. She’s on her phone checking her text messages.

I see a family of three at a table near mine having dinner together. The son looks to be about eight and is watching a movie on a laptop computer and listening to the sound with a set of large blue earphones. His parents are talking to each other and eating their dinner while the son ignores the food on his plate in favor of the action on the screen.

I see a mother and her daughter a half-dozen times.  The daughter always stands or sits silently beside her mother who is busy receiving and sending messages on her phone. One night I see them in the resort lounge. The young girl looks tired and has her head on her Mom’s shoulder nestling her blonde head under her Mom’s ear. The Mom doesn’t touch her daughter at all. Both her hands are busy texting and her eyes are focused on her phone.

I see a woman shopping in the resort jewelry store. Her one year old is sitting up in her stroller.  An I-Pad showing a movie is propped up beside the little girl. Her eyes are glued to the screen and she doesn’t bother her mother at all, leaving the woman free to shop to her heart’s content. 

I see a father on the beach with his two sons.  The boys run in and out of the water splashing each other and diving into the waves. The boys talk together, collect shells, build a sand castle, read books, order drinks and eat snacks. The whole time the father is on the phone while his sons enjoy the Mexican sunshine on their own. 

Check out these articles …….

Why Screens Are Ruining Your Family’s Life

Why Hand Held Devices Should Be Banned For Children

Technology Harms Family Life

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Lord You Have Come To The Lakeshore

mom's wheelchairLord, you have come to the lakeshore
looking neither for wealthy nor wise ones.
You only asked me to follow humbly.

Refrain
O Lord, with your eyes you have searched me,
kindly smiling, have spoken my name.
Now my boat’s left on the shoreline behind me;
by your side I will seek other seas.

You know so well my possessions;
my boat carries no gold and no weapons;
But nets and fishes my daily labor.
Refrain
O Lord, with your eyes you have …

You need my hands, full of caring,
through my labors to give others rest,
and constant love that keeps on loving.
Refrain
O Lord, with your eyes you have …

My mother requested we sing this hymn Lord You Have Come to The Lakeshore by Cesareo Gabarain at her funeral. I think the words really reflect the way she lived her life, humbly, caring much more for people than possessions, taking joy in the things she did for others and having a constant love for her family. 

As the congregation sang it during her memorial service the photo above came to mind. I took it the last time Mom was at our family’s Moose Lake cottage. She really wanted to go for a boat ride and so her grandsons carried her in her wheelchair down to the dock and lifted her into the boat. Off she went for a last tour of the lake where she had spent time with her family every summer for over fifty years. 

Other posts about music at my Mom’s funeral…….

Now Thank We All Our God

Let Me Call You Sweetheart

God of Eve and God of Mary

In the Bulb There is a Flower

Precious Lord

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