Category Archives: Family

Read More Than 30,000 Times

What Does Mother Do?  That was the title of an article I wrote for The Daughters of Sarah, a Christian feminist magazine in 1988.

The editors asked seven-year old Bridget Bernardi of Bloomington, Illinois to illustrate the piece.

Since I first posted it here on my blog in 2012 it has been read more than 30,000 times.

The week before Mother’s Day, in my second-grade classroom, I had asked the children to write a story about something important their mothers did. “Try to think”, I said, “of one of the most important things your mother does.”

The stories seemed easy to write, and within ten minutes or so my desktop was covered with literary efforts. That evening after supper I began to read the stories. 

“My mother cooks….. My mother makes the beds….. My mother vacuums…… My mother washes dishes….. My mother does the laundry….. My mom makes my lunch……My mom looks after our baby….. My mother cleans up.”

The next morning I sat down with the children on the rug at the front of our classroom.

“I realize,” I said to my students,” that all these things you have written about are things you see your mother do all the time. You like it very much that she does these things for your family.

But I want you to write your stories again and this time I want you to think of something your mother does that has nothing to do with housework. Think of something really special your mother can do that maybe no one else’s  mom can do.”

The children returned to their seats. My new assignment didn’t seem as easy as the first. Pencils gripped tightly in sweaty little hands moved almost painstakingly across the page. Tongues were sticking out and perspiration glistened on some brows.

By the end of the day however, I was able to leave for home with twenty-five new stories in my backpack. 

I had an enjoyable evening reading their new efforts.  “My mom can turn somersaults… My mom can play the piano…. My mother grows beautiful plants…..My mother is a teacher…….. My mother works in a nursing home……..My mom sews dresses for brides…..My mother can draw just excellent!”

Two stories really stuck in my mind. Two girls wrote about the work their mothers did on the family farm. Their combined efforts went something like this. 

“My mother works on our farm. She feeds the animals and looks after them. When one of the cows has babies, she helps. My mom mows all the grass on our big farmyard. She helped my dad pour the concrete for the floor of our new barn. She drives the truck when we combine. She gathers eggs and milks the cows. Sometimes she even manures out the barn. Mother does lots of important work on our farm. “

That year my students and I prepared lunch on the Friday before Mother’s Day and invited our moms to school to share it with us. After the meal, we put on a little program.

One of the girls read her story about “My Mother the Farmer.” I watched tears trickle down her mother’s cheeks as her daughter described the work her mom did on the farm. The mom told me later she had been touched to realize that her daughter had actually  noticed the many jobs she did on the farm. 

The next year I happened to teach the younger sister of one of the girls who had written about the contribution her mother made to the family farm. At the beginning of the year, I sent home the standard form to be filled out asking for birth dates, parents’ occupations, and other necessary information.  

The previous year the mother had written ‘housewife’ in the blank beside ‘mother’s occupation.’ This year when the form was returned it said in the same blank in capital letters, FARMER. 

Other posts………….

Mothers in Art and Life

Mothers at the Met

Mothers in Our Family

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Filed under Childhood, Education, Family, Holidays, Writing

Gertrude is An Inspiration

I have this sepia coloured photograph on my bedroom dresser.  It was taken in Moscow during World War I. The beautiful brown-eyed young woman in it with her fashionable dress and hair piled high is my husband’s maternal grandmother Gertrude Unruh.

She was married to Heinrich Enns who sits to her immediate right in his military medical uniform. You can see the Red Cross on his hat on the table.

The other two men are Gertrude’s brothers-in-law.  Peter Enns to her left was obviously in military service too and Cornelius Neufeld to her right with the accounting book ran the families vast land holdings in Siberia and other parts of Ukraine. 

My husband’s grandfather and his family on the lake in front of their estate in Ukraine.

Heinrich’s family owned a large estate in Kowalicha, Ukraine and while the men of the family were away serving in the Russian army’s medical corps Gertrude was left alone to run the family’s massive estate and deal with her irascible mother-in-law who objected to her son’s marriage to Gertrude because Gertrude’s family wasn’t rich enough.

Gertrude came from the small village of Rudneweide where her family had a modest farm. Her wealthy husband had met her while on a visit to the village with a friend.  

Gertrude with her four sons.

Gertrude had four little boys and with her husband far away working on the trains transporting the wounded from the battlefront to Moscow, Gertrude was single parenting and making all the decisions about the education and upbringing of her children.

There were labour shortages as estate servants left their jobs to join the army. The weather had damaged some crops, and roving bandits had been seen on the estates’ far-flung properties.

Gertrude decided she needed to go to Moscow and meet with her husband Heinrich and her brothers-in-law to get some advice about what to do. That’s when the photo of Gertrude at a family business meeting was taken.

I never met my husband’s grandmother Gertrude but whenever I begin to feel overwhelmed by my responsibilities I look at Gertrude’s photo.

I think about how a girl from a small village farm ran a huge business all on her own and cared for her children and mother-in-law while the men in her family were away at war and times were incredibly tough.

Gertrude inspires me!

Other posts………

Luxury Car- A Family Story

Remembering

Mothers in Our Family

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Filed under Family

Doctor’s Work Hours

Dad and his fellow interns at St. Boniface Hospital in the late 1950s. Note that there is only one woman in the group.

In 1961 there was one doctor for every 1000 people in Canada and now there are 2.5 doctors for every 1000 people in Canada. We have more doctors than we have ever had and yet there is a shortage. Why?

I have read lots of articles that attribute that shortage to the feminization of the medical profession. 90% of doctors were men in 1978 and today only 60% of doctors are men.

The theory has been that one reason we are short of physicians is because female doctors with children are working fewer hours, even though overall doctors are still working longer hours per week than the average Canadian.

But a new study shows that one of the key reasons for the decline in the availability of medical care to Canadians is that married male doctors have cut way back on the number of hours they work per week. Why?

My mom was the primary caregiver when we were growing up

Surveys begun in the 1960s indicate that in the past, the typical married male doctor worked long hours while his partner didn’t work outside the home devoting themselves instead to child care and home care.

This has changed. With most of their partners working outside the home, married male doctors have to, and want to, step in and help more with their families. Many want to achieve a better work-life balance.

I am all for that.

My Dad doing surgery

I meet people all the time who extoll my hard working father, a medical doctor in a rural community when I was growing up. They praise his availability, the way he made house calls and went out of his way to provide them with excellent medical care.

I used to just thank them for their kind comments but lately I’ve been pointing out how all that great medical care came at the expense of his family who got to spend very little time with him because our Dad was always working!

I think it’s great that married male doctors are exchanging the kind of working life my Dad had for one that allows them to be more involved with their families.

Today there is an expectation both parents will be heavily involved in child care

This reflects a trend in all of society where work life balance and the importance of both parents being involved with raising children is recognized.

Many present day physicians are adamant that they don’t want their medical careers to make them absentee parents.

Photo by Pavel Danilyuk on Pexels.com

Dr. Michelle Cohen who studies disparities between men and women in the medical field says the influx of women into the profession has helped to make it more humane since female physicians have demanded reasonable work hours so they can care for their families. This has given male doctors permission to do the same thing.

We do have a doctor shortage in Canada and that’s not a good thing but………. the fact that doctors are working shorter hours and spending more time with their families is a good thing.

Other posts……….

Would You Want Your Child To Be A Doctor?

Living At the Hospital

Looking at the Newspaper with Dad

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Filed under Family, Health, Society

Anatomy of A Marriage

On Saturday Dave and I watched the Oscar nominated movie Anatomy of A Fall.

I thought it could just as easily have been called Anatomy of a Marriage.

Anatomy of a Fall is directed by Justine Triet and stars Milo Machado-Graner as eleven- year- old Daniel the son of Sandra played by Sandra Hüller and Samuel played by Samuel Theis

In the film a woman named Sandra is on trial for murdering her husband Samuel who fell from the top storey of their French chalet. The couple’s son comes back from a walk with his dog to find his father lying in the snow. He is dead. Did Sandra push her husband to his death or did Samuel commit suicide and jump?

The most damning evidence at the trial is the recording of a huge fight Sandra and Samuel had just before Samuel died. Apparently Samuel was taping interactions between him and his wife as possible material for a future book he wants to write.

After the recording is played to the court one might be convinced Sandra killed her husband. She is so angry at him at him in the recording and they have a huge fight which escalates into physical violence.

Sandra tries to explain to the court that one incident doesn’t define a marriage

But in her defence Sandra tells the jury that looking at only one scene from any marriage gives you a very distorted view of what that marriage is all about.

Although Sandra doesn’t use the words ‘anatomy of a marriage’ in her testimony she essentially says that marriages can’t be judged or evaluated by simply looking at selected time periods or specific incidents from them, a marriage’s anatomy as a whole is far too complex and ever changing.

I’ve been thinking about how very true that is. If you recorded a scene in our household for example when Dave is filling out our income tax as he is now, and the tension is high as we bicker with each other, sometimes at a fairly loud volume, over lost receipts, incorrect passwords, piles of paper left everywhere and missing expense statements you might think our marriage was in a sorry state.

But if you’d recorded a scene for example last summer when we had our 50th wedding anniversary celebration with our family and you saw us in tears over the things our sons had to say about us and our marriage, saw us hugging our grandkids who’d made us colourful cards, or saw us drinking a toast to each other over the fabulous meal our children had prepared you’d think our marriage was pretty wonderful.

I think the anatomy of our marriage changed in a fairly dramatic way when we moved to China for six years

The truth is marriages have ups and downs, good times and terrible times. The anatomy of marriages can change and get better or worse when children and then grandchildren are added, when health issues arise, when careers stumble or flourish, when finances are tight, when friendships or extended family relationships are fraught or going smoothly, when you move or travel and make adjustments to new situations.

One scene or one stretch of time from a marriage cannot encapsulate its complexity or the structure of its anatomy.

As the movie Anatomy of A Fall progresses we certainly find that out.

As our marriage relationships progress through time we find that out too.

Other posts…………

Can Your Marriage Survive Lollygagging?

Two Trees and A Marriage

A Driven Man

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Filed under Family, Movies

It Will Break Your Heart

While I was reading the Booker Prize-winning novel Prophet Song by Paul Lynch I began communicating with a woman in Germany we are related to through my husband’s maternal grandparents. Interestingly the book and the woman’s story connected for me in a heart-breaking way.

Prophet Song is a dystopian saga that takes place in Ireland and provides an absolutely terrifying look at what can happen when a government with authoritarian tendencies is elected and then turns a once-democratic society upside down with its tyranny.

In Prophet Song, we learn how a scientist named Eilish tries to carry on with some semblance of normalcy after her husband, a union leader is arrested and disappears, and her eldest son goes off to join a rebel group. She fights so hard to protect her other three children and not lose hope she will see her husband and absent son again.

Illustration by Rokas Aleliūnas for the review of Prophet Song in the New York Times

Much to the readers’ horror Eilish waits for too long to leave the country even though she has an opportunity to do so. She clings to the belief things will get better, her family will be reunited, and life will return to the way it was before. It doesn’t happen.

Her sister in Canada who is offering Eilish a way out of Ireland says, “History is a silent record of people who did not know when to leave.”

People who did not know when to leave is the theme of the family story of Elvi a woman in Germany who is a descendant of my husband’s Great-Aunt Helena. Elvi began communicating with me recently after she read my story about my husband’s grandparents Heinrich and Gertrude Enns and their immigration journey to Canada on my blog.

Elvi sent me this wedding photo of her great-grandparents. Helena Unruh was a sister to my husband’s grandmother Gertrude Unruh and Gerhard Enns was a cousin to my husband’s grandfather Henrich Enns.

Elvi told me about her great-grandparents, Gerhard and Helena who didn’t leave Ukraine in the 1920s when they had the chance to escape the Russian Revolution with the rest of their family. Like Eilish in Prophet Song, they too thought life might at some point return to normal. They would be able to go back to their flourishing estate and reclaim their land and belongings. It didn’t happen.

Gerhard was stripped of his citizenship and eventually arrested and incarcerated. He died in prison. Later Gerhard and Helena’s sons and grandsons were sent to labour camps in Siberia and the rest of the family was deported to Kazakhstan. 

The fictional story of Eilish and the true story of Elvi’s family is a universal one that has been played out over and over again throughout history. It is still happening today as families’ lives in so many different places are turned upside down and they are placed in grave danger.

While I was reading Prophet Song I mentioned in a chat group how horrifying and sad it was and how I wanted the story to end with hope. Someone else who had already finished the book said, “It will break your heart.” And it did.

Still, Prophet Song was an important book to read because as Elvi’s family story illustrates what happens in Prophet Song can happen anywhere to anyone.

It is happening right now to families in so many places in the world.

It could happen to us.

Other posts………..

Luxury Car- A Family Story

The Long Song- A Booker Nominee Worth Reading

Small Things Like These- A Moving Story

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Filed under Books, Family

Rooted in Love

A lovely article in Monday’s Winnipeg Free Press called Rooted in Love reminded me of my Mom and Dad. The op-ed is about writer Deborah Schnitzer’s determination to have a flower garden as part of her yard.

Initially, her husband wasn’t terribly excited about the flower garden but later he came to appreciate the colour and beauty it added to their life as much as she did.

My parents with the flower beds around their home

My parents needed to have flowers growing around them too. During their married life the yards around their homes always featured flower beds.

My Mom and her sisters in front of the flower beds on her parents’ farmyard in Drake Saskatchewan

My mother told me once that when she and Dad planned the landscaping for their first home on Henry Street in Steinbach she was inspired by the memories of the flowerbeds her own mother had cultivated on the yard of her childhood farmhouse in Drake Saskatchewan.

My father’s mother loved flowers too and had flowers rather than grass planted along one side of her house in Gnadenthal Manitoba where Dad grew up.

Inspired by their mothers’ examples Mom and Dad spent countless hours cultivating flowers, starting them from seed in their greenhouse, transplanting them, watering them, weeding them and watching them fill the yards of their homes with beauty.

My Dad with a flower bed he nurtured in memory of my mother

After my mother died my father commandeered a small patch of garden on the grounds of the seniors’ complex where he lived so he could continue planting flowers. He called these his ‘Dorothy Gardens’ after my mother.

Posing in front of one of my parents’ flower beds for a high school graduation photo with my son

My parents’ flowers like those of the writer Deborah Schnitzer were also rooted in love. They shared their love of flowers with the other members of the Steinbach Garden Club which they helped to found. Many wedding couples and graduating high schoolers asked my parents if they could take photos in their yard because their flowers provided such a gorgeous backdrop.

Mom and Dad brought flowers to people they knew who were ill or celebrating a special occasion. Sometimes I would arrive at the school where I taught to find a vase of flowers from Mom and Dad’s garden already gracing my desk. They had delivered them before I arrived.

For my parents nurturing flowers was an act of hope. It was a way to share beauty. It was rooted in love.

Other posts………

My Dad Hasn’t Lost His Green Thumb

The Consolation of Water Lilies

Monet’s Flowers

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Filed under Family, Nature

I Was the First Person to Hold You

With Auntie Mary last week

I was pleased that on our drive back to Manitoba from Texas, we could stop in Hesston Kansas and visit my Auntie Mary and Uncle Herb.

My Auntie Mary holding me just after I was born

My aunt often reminds me that she was the first person to hold me after I was born. In 1953 my aunt, who had just finished her nurses’ training, stayed in the delivery room with my mother all night.

In those days, fathers, even ones studying to be doctors like mine, weren’t allowed in delivery rooms. My mother so appreciated my aunt’s presence and support that she included my Aunt Mary’s name in mine.

My parents pose with Auntie Mary on the day of her nursing graduation

The morning after I was born my aunt had to write her registered nursing exams and despite having been awake all night to help usher me into the world she passed with flying colours.

My Aunt Mary who studied fine arts gave us this painting of hers as a wedding gift

Auntie Mary would not only have a career in nursing she would also become the mother of three children, work as an administrator at her husband’s busy medical clinic, get a degree in fine arts, do a term of service in Germany helping refugees from Russia and serve as our family historian among many other things.

Photo Auntie Mary took of my grandparents around the time she interviewed them

Auntie Mary did extensive interviews with both of my grandparents about their childhoods in Ukraine and transcribed all the recorded information for the rest of us.

Thanks to Auntie Mary’s notes about her own trip to Ukraine I found the tombstone of my great-great-grandfather Daniel Peters in Nikolaipol

It was thanks to Auntie Mary’s research that I was able to find so many places connected to my father’s family on my own trip to Ukraine.

My Dad with his five sisters. His sister Mary is right behind him.

My Auntie Mary and I continue to exchange e-mails since she is particularly worried about my father, her only brother, who is in a nursing home. She wants to be updated on his health regularly.

During his last few years in a care facility, Mary has sent Dad many memory books she has made filled with old family photos, favourite songs and poems they both loved as children and anecdotes from family history. These books have provided Dad with an important link to his past and us with lots of material to talk with him about.

Visiting my Aunt Mary in 2017

I hadn’t seen Auntie Mary since I visited her in Kansas in 2017. Our visit last week was all too short. Later I remembered we hadn’t talked about the books we were reading. Auntie Mary has often recommended great books to me.

I am sorry I forgot to take a photo with my Uncle Herb who took us out for lunch at a local restaurant when it was time for my aunt to have a rest. Dave and I always enjoy visiting with my uncle, a retired surgeon, whose interest in Mennonite history and politics and a variety of other subjects makes for enjoyable conversations.

My aunt and uncle recently celebrated their 70th wedding anniversary with their children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren.

It was lovely to spend a few hours reconnecting with them.

Other posts……….

My Aunt and Winnipeg’s Polio Hospital

Aprons

Who Is That Interesting Man With You?

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Filed under 2024 Road Trip- California, Arizona, Texas, Family

An 86-Year-Old Message

I was looking through pages I’d photographed from my aunt’s old autograph book yesterday when I found this entry dated for today February 11. 

It was written in 1938 and is a message from my mother Dorothy to her older sister Viola.

86 years ago, when the message was written my mother was 13 and my aunt was 15.I think this family photo shows them around those ages.My aunt Viola is on the left, and my mother Dorothy is on the right in the back row. They are wearing matching dresses.

My mother and my aunt have both passed away now. My mother more than a decade ago and my aunt just this past August.

In her autograph message, my mother says she will never forget her sister. After my Mom died I tried to carry on her promise to not forget her sister by visiting my aunt as often as I could and taking care of things for her.

Now that both my mother and my aunt are gone, I think probably the best way to keep the memory of the sisters alive and not forget them, is to try to do my best to show the same loyalty and love to my own siblings that my mother and my aunt extended to each other.

Other posts………

A Generous and Kind Woman

Dorothy Marie Peters

Sisters

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Harder Than We Would Have Liked

When my sister and I holiday together we like to do jigsaw puzzles. 

I had brought along a number for us to work on in Palm Springs and we started off with a fairly easy one I’d found at the Thrift Store where I volunteer. It was a southwest landscape and since we were holidaying in the southwest it seemed appropriate. 

It was the perfect level of difficulty to allow for lots of conversation and a minimum of frustration while we puzzled. We had it done in a couple of days. 

Next we tackled a puzzle of the famous painting The Kiss by Gustav Klimt. It was HARD! Many of the puzzling techniques my sister and I have developed over the years didn’t work. The pieces were fairly small. There were some big areas with relatively the same colour scheme and all the pieces had the same basic shape.

We almost gave up once, had some limited success, and then tried again, and by the time we were down to the last hundred pieces we just couldn’t give up. 

It took us several days to finish.

We called in reinforcements and my husband Dave was able to find spots for a few pieces whose homes had alluded us.

Finally on my last day in Palm Springs we finished it.We had a feeling of accomplishment at having completed it together but often when we were working on it we were so focused and obsessed with figuring it out that the fun and visiting part of puzzling which is it’s main purpose for us, wasn’t optimum.

I did not take the puzzle with me and my sister will leave it in the house they are renting when she goes home.Perhaps someone else will find it easier to complete than we did.

Other posts………..

Puzzling With My Sister

I’m On My Own Now

Another Puzzling Lesson

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Filed under 2024 Road Trip- California, Arizona, Texas, Family

My Charming Husband

Dave and I were visiting Sunnylands in Palm Springs. It’s sort of the Camp David of the west- a beautiful home, garden and grounds where world leaders have been coming for high level meetings since 1966.

Sunnylands is the winter estate of Walter and Leonore Annenberg. They were extraordinary philanthropists giving away billions of dollars to various causes and both served as American ambassadors.

A woman trying to position Dave to get the perfect photo of her group

After watching a movie about the history of the place I went to the front desk to get the wifi code to upload the audio tour of the Sunnylands gardens and when I rejoined Dave I found him camera in hand with a woman’s arms around his shoulders getting him in just the right position to take a picture of a group of posing women.

Turns out they were a book club from Los Angeles visiting Sunnylands and had asked Dave to take their photo. By the time I arrivedin typical Dave fashion my husband had already engaged the ten women in a lively, humorous conversation about the PGA golf tournament being held in nearby La Quinta, the books their club had read recently, and he had told the group his wife was an author.

I listened in as he joked with them while snapping a bunch of photos.

When he was finished the women noticed me and started asking me about my books. They took down my name and the titles of my novels and asked whether I’d be willing to do a zoom author visit with their book club at some point. I said I’d love to.

We chatted for a while longer about books we’d all read and then they said goodbye, but not before one of the women commented, “Your husband is so charming.” 

I couldn’t disagree.

Other posts……….

Dave Bends Over Backwards

My Husband Is Famous

Dave Driedger’s Photos of African Animals

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Filed under 2024 Road Trip- California, Arizona, Texas, Family